Last week while I was traveling with my family, my little girls were listening to an old song called "Make New Friends" and the first part of it has these words:
Make new friends,
But keep the old.
One is silver,
And the other gold.
Now, I've heard this song a hundred times, but it struck me that there are several social media implications here. The problem with some people's understanding, or perhaps misunderstanding with social media, is that they are missing the friend aspect of it all. Sure, the people following you on Facebook are called "friends" or "fans" and these same people on Twitter are called "followers," but the real question for you and your business is whether they're actually friends or not.
How Do You Know If They're Friends?
There are thousands of people who will try to tell you how to get more friends in social media. There is no shortage of "10 ways to increase your Twitter followers" types of advice out there, but there are fundamental problems with that approach. First, it assumes that people who decided to click a button to be your friend or follower are actually paying attention to you. Second, the "get more friends" approach doesn't lend itself to actually cultivating friends. It's more like a relational land-grab, which means it's not actually about you being a friend, it's about you getting names and inflating numbers.
Real friends give. Friends seek to benefit each other mutually. Friendships start with a spark of a relationship, and over time it grows into something stronger. The length of a friendship is supposed make the relationship stronger. It gets better with time. That's why the song calls old friends gold. They are more valuable than new friends.
When you only focus on new friends, the chances are you're actually not getting any friends at all. Tools like Twitter and Facebook allow people with the improper social media perspective to live under the delusion that they're growing a base of friends when in fact they're not. At best, more people are ignoring you. At worst, more people are becoming annoyed by your not-so-friendly approach to a medium that was intended to be highly relational.
3 Ways To Be A Real Friend
There's an old adage that says you need to be a friend to get a friend. That mindset totally works within social media. It may feel slow, but it works. Here are some ways to cultivate true friendships within social media that will help other people and benefit you and your business as well:
- Determine who your true friends are. When you ask a question or post a comment, do people respond or not? If you consistently get no response, you have very few actual friends. It may be a tough pill to swallow, but at least you'll know where you're starting from.
- Identify who you want to be friends with. Social media is not about reaching the most people. It's about reaching the right people. You and I would gladly take 500 relationships with the right people for our business than 5,000 of the wrong people. There's true value in identifying the right people and beginning to cultivate the relationships.
- Start being friendly. It seems kind of obvious, but it really is that easy. Be friendly, giving, and kind. Do things without seeking a return in the near future. If your motives are selfish, the other person will eventually find out and you will have wasted your time because it will undermine whatever you think you were building with them.
If you have a lot of social media "friends" but don't see it paying off for your business, then it's time to do some evaluating. Chances are you don't have as many friends as you think you do. Chances are you weren't a great friend yourself.
Start being a friend to those old friends you've had for a while. After all, they're gold. As you identify new people, take the time to really be a friend rather than seeking to gain from them right off the bat. In the long run, you'll see the value of a smaller group of friends for your business rather than a large number of people who were never your friends to begin with.